‘Phin-antics: Dolphins Punish Stephen Ross

Phin-antics – A Dolphins Sideline Report comedy exclusive

Members of the Miami Dolphins gathered just prior to their contest against the New York Jets last Sunday and decided something needed to be done to put Stephen Ross in his place. Ross has recently made major strides as an owner, placing pressure on the team to perform.

“When owners perform well, fans have nowhere to displace the blame when their teams lose,” said non-existent Dolphins kicker Ray Finkle. “All the blame goes to the players and coaches and they hate that. When you look at what Stephen Ross has done from self-funding stadium improvements, to making better coaching hires, to voting for teams to stay in their hometowns, to standing with protesting players, it really puts pressure on the players to respond with good performance.”

Ross has faced much criticism in his relatively young career as an owner. He has been called out by fans, players, and most importantly, player wives. As of late he has seemed to turn a corner, making several perceived good moves, starting with the renovations of Hard Rock Stadium. When South Florida refused to place the burden of renovating the stadium on tax-payers, Ross funded the renovations out of pocket. Hard Rock is a state of the art outdoor arena that shelters fans from the elements. It has received rave reviews, including a nod to host Super Bowl LIV.

“Ross needs to learn from Dean Spanos,” Finkle said. “When tax payers refuse to build your stadium, you’re supposed to pick up the franchise and run to another city. You know? Save a buck at the expense of the fans.”

Ross is also the lone NFL owner to have voted against the Raiders’ move from Oakland to Las Vegas. “My position today was that we as owners and as a League owe it to the fans to do everything we can to stay in the communities that have supported us, until all options have been exhausted,” Ross’ statement said. “I want to wish Mark Davis and the Raiders organization the best in Las Vegas.”

In another unprecedented move, Ross issued a statement in support of Dolphins players who have made protests at games during the national anthem. Some suggest this is in direct response to president Trumps’ tweets against protesting NFL players.

Ross’s statement reads,  “Our country needs unifying leadership right now, not more divisiveness. We need to seek to understand each other and have civil discourse instead of condemnation and sound bites. I know our players who kneeled for the anthem and these are smart young men of character who want to make our world a better place for everyone. They wanted to start a conversation and are making a difference in our community, including working with law enforcement to bring people together. We all can benefit from learning, listening and respecting each other. Sports is a common denominator in our world. We all have the responsibility to use this platform to promote understanding, respect and equality.”

The Dolphins are coming off a 10-6 2016 season with a playoff berth. This was due in large part to Stephen Ross’s decision to hire Adam Gase as the head coach. Many respected analysts have them named as the key sleeper team to expect surprises from. Prior to Sunday the Jets were 0-2. They were widely thought of as the current worst team in the league. The Dolphins intentionally throwing Sunday’s game is clearly the most logical explanation for the Jets manhandling Miami 20-6.

Ross conducts much of the work for his real estate company called Related from headquarters in New York. In some ways Stephen Ross is as much a New Yorker as he is a Floridian. The Dolphins knew the best way to rub salt in the wound of a thrown game was to do it against the New York Jets.

The Dolphins not only threw the game, they did it with style. Cutler threw an interception when the field in front of him was clear for a first down and more. Davon Godchaux had back to back penalties at the line on one drive. The offense set itself back with multiple pre-snap penalties on another drive. The playcalling remained overly conservative and predictable throughout. All of these basic “errors” tell of a team trying to lose a game. When the team finally scored in order to prevent a shutout for respect of the storied franchise history, they made sure to have Cody Parkey miss the extra point. The broadcasters initially thought Parkey had made the kick when they saw him giving high fives. However, the team was simply celebrating a successful embarrassment.

Spencer J Taylor

Spencer J Taylor was raised in an NCAA Division-1 football coaching and sports administration family. He earned a Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing including studies in Creative Nonfiction from New Mexico State University, where he studied under prolific sports writer Rus Bradburd, author of Forty Minutes of Hell: The Extraordinary Life of Nolan Richardson.

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